Quotes, Sayings, Laws and other things people have said or written down.
Some are well known, some are drop dead famous, some are local, and some are blatantly obscure.


November 19, 1863
Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation, or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battlefield of that war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that this nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this. But in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate--we cannot consecrate--we cannot hallow--this ground. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far beyond our meager power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced. It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us--that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion--that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain--that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom--and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

-- U.S. President Abraham Lincoln - Gettysburg Address

"I've got plenty of common sense, I just choose to ignore it"

-- Calvin - Calvin & Hobbes, Something Under The Bed Is Drooling

"Life is what happens to you when your busy making other plans."

-- John Lennon.

"Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free."

-- The Shawshank redemption.

"Madness waits for some, it creeps up on others."

-- Lewis Therin (Wheel of time series)

"Though this be madness, yet there is method in 't."

-- Polonius from Hamlet (II, ii, 206)

"What a piece of work is man! How noble in reason! how infinite in faculties! in form and moving, how express and admirable! in action how like an angel! in apprehension, how like a god! the beauty of the world! the paragon of animals! And yet, to me, what is this quintessence of dust?"

--From Hamlet (II, ii, 115-117)

Let me see. [Takes the skull.] Alas, poor Yorrick!--I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! my gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kiss'd I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? your gambols? your songs? your flashes of merriment, that were wont to set the table on a roar? Not one now, to mock your own grinning?"

-- From Hamlet (V, i, 203-204)

"There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

--From Hamlet (I, v, 166-167)

"If you prick me, do I not bleed?
If you tickle me, do I not laugh?
If you poison me, do I not die?
And if you wrong me, shall I not revenge?"

-- free after Shylock from The Merchant of Venice (III, i, 60-63)

Frodo: Do you mean to say that you, and the Elves, have let him live on after all those horrible deeds? Now at any rate he is as bad as an Orc, and just an enemy. He deserves death.'
Gandalf: 'Deserves it! I daresay he does. Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.

-- Frodo & Gandalf - Lord of the Rings - Fellowship of the Ring

"The rich cannot live on an island surrounded by poverty. We all breath the same air. We should give everyone a chance, at least a fundamental chance."

-- Ayrton Senna da Silva (1960 - 1994) Brazilian Formula 1 Racer, World Champion 1988, 1990, 1991

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through the snow.

-- Jeff Valdez

Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried.

-- Mae West

History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.

-- Winston Churchill

All critics ever do is come down from the hills after the battle is over and shoot the wounded.

-- Unknown

Justice is said to be an attribute of the divine: missing that, we count one thing noblest,-and that is soul.

-- General Joshua Lawrence Chamberlain

Sending armies to McClellan is like shoveling fleas across a barnyard. Not half of them get there.

-- President Abraham Lincoln

January 26, 1863
Major-General Hooker,

I have placed you at the head of the Army of the Potomac. I have heard, in such a way as to believe it, of your recently saying that both the Army and the Government needed a Dictator. Of course it was not for this, but in spite of it, that I have given you the command. Only those generals who gain successes, can set up as dictators. What I now ask of you is military success, and I will risk the dictatorship.
And now beware of rashness. Beware of rashness, but with energy, and sleepless vigilance, go forward, and give us victories.

- President Abraham Lincoln

January, 1863
The hen is the wisest of all the animal creation because she never cackles until after the egg has been laid.

-- President Abraham Lincoln

"It is well that war is so terrible, or we should get too fond of it."

-- General Robert E. Lee C.S.A.

"What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world."

-- General Robert E. Lee C.S.A.

"We failed, but in the good providence of God apparent failure often proves a blessing."

-- General Robert E. Lee C.S.A.

"The education of a man is never completed until he dies."

-- General Robert E. Lee C.S.A.

"Oh, I am heartily tired of hearing about what Lee is going to do. Some of you always seem to think he is suddenly going to turn a double somersault, and land in our rear and on both of our flanks at the same time. Go back to your command, and try to think what are we going to do ourselves, instead of what Lee is going to do."

--An uncharacteristic burst of temper from Grant when being reminded repeatedly of the powers of Robert E. Lee.

"If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world but I am sure we would be getting reports from hell before breakfast."

-- General William T. Sherman

"If nominated, I will not run; if elected, I will not serve."

-- General William T. Sherman

"War is hell."

-- General William T. Sherman

"All of us, whether guilty or not, whether old or young, must accept the past. It is not a case of coming to terms with the past. That is not possible. It cannot be subsequently modified or undone."

-- Richard von Weizsacker, President of the Federal Republic of Germany (1984 - 1994)

"A satisfied customer! We should have him stuffed!"

- John Cleese Fawlty Towers, Series 2: "Communication Problems"

"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."

- Groucho Marx

Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.

- Groucho Marx

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

- Groucho Marx

"Either the man is dead, or my watch has stopped."

- Groucho Marx

"I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."

- Groucho Marx

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

- Groucho Marx

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

- Groucho Marx

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

- Groucho Marx

"My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers."

- Woody Allen

"We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special."

- Prof. Stephen Hawking

"Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes"

-- Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey) - Bruce Almighty

"A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes."

-- Mark Twain

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, especially if you aim carefully."

-- Winston Churcill

"It takes a great deal of courage to stand up to your enemies, but a great deal more to stand up to your friends."

-- Albus Dumbledore - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone (series by J.K. Rowling)

"It does not do to dwell on dreams, and forget to live."

-- Albus Dumbledore - Harry Potter and the Philosopher's stone (series by J.K. Rowling)

"And then one day you find ten years have got behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."

-- Time - Pink Floyd, Dark Side of the Moon album

"The bureaucratic mentality is the only constant in the universe"

-- Dr. Leonard McCoy (DeForest Kelley) - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home

"You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide
Ain't that a shame ?
Ooh, I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride
When life was just a game
No use in sitting and thinkin' on what you did
When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids
Sometimes it seems like lately - I just don't know
Better sit back and go - with the flow
'Cos these are the days of our lives"

-- Queen - These are the days of our lives - Innuendo Album - Lyrics by Roger Taylor

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? Caught in a landslide No escape from reality"

-- Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody - A night at the opera Album - Lyrics by Freddie Mercury

"If there's a God in the sky looking down What can he think of what we've done To the world that he created"

-- Queen - Is this the world we created...? - The Works Album - Lyrics by Brian May & Freddie Mercury

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

-- President Merkin Muffley (Peter Sellers) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."

-- Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) Ferris Bueller's day off

Cameron Frye: "The 1961 Ferrari, two-fifty GT California. Less than a hundred were made. My father spent three years restoring this car. It is his love, it is his passion . . ."
Ferris Bueller: "It is his fault he didn't lock the garage."

-- Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) Cameron Frye (Alan Ruck) Ferris Bueller's day off

Brian: Look. You've got it all wrong. You don't need to follow me. You don't need to follow anybody! You've got to think for yourselves. You're all individuals!
Followers: Yes, we're all individuals!
Brian: You're all different!
Followers: Yes, we are all different!
Dennis: I'm not.
Arthur: Shhhh.
Followers: Shh. Shhhh. Shhh.
Brian: You've all got to work it out for yourselves!
Followers: Yes! We've got to work it out for ourselves!
Brian: Exactly!
Followers: Tell us more!
Brian: No! That's the point! Don't let anyone tell you what to do!

-- Brian (Graham Chapman) + Crowd (John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, Terry Jones, Terry Gilliam & Extras) Life of Brian - 1979

"I am not young enough to know everything."

-- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong."

-- Oscar Wilde

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

-- Unknown

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect had intended for us to forego their use."

-- Galileo

"Es gibt kein Recht des Wolfes, das Lam zu zerreissen,"
"There isn't a law which gives the wolf the right to devour the lamb"

-- Rudolf von Laun (1882-1975)

Luke Skywalker: All right, I'll give it a try.
Yoda: No! Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try.

-- Luke (Mark Hamill) & Yoda (voice Frank Oz) - The Empire strikes back

"Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news"

-- Douglas Adams

"The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but "That's funny ..."

-- Isaac Asimov

if people find themselves before the inescapable choice between right and wrong,
there is no certainty that they take the right decision

the majority chose to live on, as normal as possible, hoping to survive in the first place

others, unwillingly, fell victim to the regime they had no choice

some chose totally wrong

after fifty years the scars are still borne by next generations

gratitude prevails, thinking back to those who gave the example in their personal choices against evil

-- Queen Beatrix, Christmas-speech 1994

"If you're born in this world you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you're given a front-row seat."

-- George Carlin

Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you.

-- Missy Dizick

Good evening. Last week we learned how to saw a lady in half. This week we're going to learn how to saw a lady into three bits and dispose of the body...

-- Monty Python

Second Bruce: G'day, Bruce!
First Bruce: Oh, Hello Bruce!

Third Bruce: How are you Bruce?
First Bruce: A bit crook, Bruce.
Second Bruce: Where's Bruce?
First Bruce: He's not 'ere, Bruce.
Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.
First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce.
First Bruce: Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, your Majesty," he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
Third Bruce: She's a good Sheila Bruce, and not at all stuck up.
Second Bruce: Here! Here's the boss-fellow now! - how are you bruce?
(Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael)
Fourth Bruce: 'Ow are you, Bruce?
First Bruce: G'day Bruce!
Fourth Bruce: Bruce.
Second Bruce: Hello Bruce.
Fourth Bruce: Bruce.
Third Bruce: How are you, Bruce?
Fourth Bruce: G'day Bruce.
Fourth Bruce: Gentleman, I'd like to introduce man from Pommeyland who is joinin' us this year in the philosophy department at the University of Walamaloo.
Everybruce: G'day!
Michael: Hello.
Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce. Michael Baldwin, Bruce.
First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce?
Michael: No, it's Michael.
Second Bruce: That's going to cause a little confusion.
Third Bruce: Mind if we call you "Bruce" to keep it clear?
Fourth Bruce: Gentlemen, I think we better start the faculty meeting. Before we start, though, I'd like to ask the padre for a prayer.
First Bruce: Oh Lord, we beseech Thee, Amen!!
Everybruce: Amen!
Fourth Bruce: Crack tubes! (Sound of cans opening) Now I call upon Bruce to officially welcome Mr. Baldwin to the philosophy faculty.
Second Bruce: I'd like to welcome the pommey bastard to God's own Earth, and remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
Everybruce: Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce: Bruce here teaches classical philosophy, Bruce there teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism. And is also in charge of the sheep dip.
Third Bruce: What's New-Bruce going to teach?
Fourth Bruce: New-Bruce will be teaching political science, Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benaud.
Second Bruce: Those are all cricketers!
Fourth Bruce: Aww, spit!
Third Bruce: Hails of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Everybruce: Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you amen!
Fourth Bruce:Bruce: Crack tube! (Sound of cans opening) Any questions?
Second Bruce: New-Bruce, are you a Poofter?
Fourth Bruce: Are you a Poofter?
Michael: No!
Fourth Bruce: No. Right, I just want to remind you of the faculty rules: Rule One!
Everybruce: No Poofters!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way at all... ___if there's anybody watching. Rule Three?
Everybruce: No Poofters!!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Four, now this term, I don't want to catch anybody not drinking. Rule Five,
Everybruce: No Poofters!
Fourth Bruce: Rule Six, there is NO!!! ... Rule Six. Rule Seven,
Everybruce: No Poofters!!
Fourth Bruce: Right, that concludes the readin' of the rules, Bruce.
First Bruce: This here's the wattle, the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle, you can hold it in your hand.
Everybruce: Amen!

(And now all four Bruces launch into the Philosopher's song)

Immanuel Kant was a real piss-ant who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar who could think you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel.
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach 'ya 'bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will, after half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.
Plato, they say, could stick it away, half a crate of whiskey every day!
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
And Hobbes was fond of his Dram.
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
"I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed; A lovely little thinker, but a bugger when he's pissed.

-- Monty Python's Flying Circus - The Bruces Sketch - (Album Version)