Quotes, Sayings, Laws and other things people have said or written down.
Some are well known, some are drop dead famous, some are local, and some are blatantly obscure.

 
 

"People whose concept of ancient history is the first series of Star Trek may be treated with patience, because it's usually not their fault they were reduced to getting their education from school."

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.books.pratchett)

"As far as I'm aware I'm not specifically banned anywhere in the USA, and am rather depressed about it. Surely some of you guys can do something?"

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.books.pratchett)

"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them. My dream holiday would be a) a ticket to Amsterdam b) immunity from prosecution and c) a baseball bat :-)"

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

There should be a notice ahead of the movie that says 'This movie is PG. Can you read? You are a Parent. Do you understand what Guidance is? Or are you just another stupid toddler who thinks they're an adult simple because they've grown older and, unfortunately, have developed fully-functioning sexual organs? Would you like some committee somewhere to decide everything for you? Get a damn grip, will you? And shut the wretched kid up !'

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Every procedure for getting a cat to take a pill works fine -- once. Like the Borg, they learn...

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be a Mule?'

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

I staggered into a Manchester bar late one night on a tour and the waitress said "You look as if you need a Screaming Orgasm". At the time this was the last thing on my mind...

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

AFPer: We've missed you, did you miss us?
TP: Yes, but I think I have time to reload. :-)

-- Terry returns to a.f.p. after a temporary absence. (Terry Pratchett and an AFPer, alt.fan.pratchett)

I once absend-mindedly ordered Three Mile Island dressing in a restaurant and, with great presence of mind, they brought Thousand Island Dressing and a bottle of chili sauce.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

You can't make people happy by law. If you said to a bunch of average people two hundred years ago "Would you be happy in a world where medical care is widely available, houses are clean, the world's music and sights and foods can be brought into your home at small cost, travelling even 100 miles is easy, childbirth is generally not fatal to mother or child, you don't have to die of dental abcesses and you don't have to do what the squire tells you" they'd think you were talking about the New Jerusalem and say 'yes'.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

I must confess the the activities of the UK governments for the past couple of years have been watched with frank admiration and amazement by Lord Vetinari. Outright theft as a policy had never occured to him.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

And before anyone complains about the grammar, I'm so jetlagged that my hands aren't even in the same time zone...

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

I reckon that Stonehege was build by the contemporary equivalent of Microsoft, whereas Avebury was definitely an Apple circle.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

-- Terry defending his solution to the Monty Hall problem. (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

One of the highlights of the first Good Omens tour was Neil and I walking through New York singing Shoehorn with Teeth. Well, we'd had a good breakfast. And you don't get mugged, either.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

It's an old magical principle -- it's even filtered down into RPG systems -- that magic, while taking a lot of effort, can be 'stored' -- in a staff, for example. No doubt a wizard spends a little time each day charging up his staff, although you go blind if you do it too much, of course.

-- (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

It's not Brits who think American readers are a bunch of whinging morons with the geo-social understanding of a wire coathanger, it's American editors.

-- Setting the record straight (Terry Pratchett, alt.fan.pratchett)

 

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